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Without Getting In Trouble!
Well, it's tax time again, boys and girls. So cough it up if you haven't already! But no one says you have to go gentle into that dark night. Here are some hints on how to annoy the IRS if you owe them money... 1. Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to take out any staples on the right side. 2. Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your staples, rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side). 3. Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue and let it dry before you put in you forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor has to open it by hand. 4. If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, use a two or three party check. On top of paying with a third party check, pay one of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount, s/he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms. 5. Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to be read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it's on. 6. Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a Kroger sack. 7. When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZ form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess. 8. If you send two checks, they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your half destroyed form. 9. Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the like have to be removed and put away. 10. Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to be verified and then date stamped. These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with the IRS. These methods are *only* recommended when you owe money. I fucked up on my taxes. Without realizing it, I must have filled out line 7. So the employer I was working with never took out fedal taxes. I was at first mortify that I might have to pay taxes this year. Luckly I came under the $8,750 line in the sand and I was able to get back $5.09 (from a brief job I had). My blunder luckly didn't cost me anything, but I could have used that money if I had gotten anything back. Well, see ya' later! Mood: Amused Music: "Dethharmonic" by Dethklok Book: "Through the Looking Glass (And What Alice Found There)" by Lewis Carroll | |
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